her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
