If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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