White coat. Heels.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
