last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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