a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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