i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
