ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
