Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
