Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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