I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
