you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
