I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
