WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
