i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
