Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
