There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
