It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
