she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
