Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My cat gives me a boner
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
