OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
