theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
