Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
