yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
