My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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