Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A+ Viking dick
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