Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i think i just lost a toe
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
