You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
