do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
