I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
