so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
