I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
