god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize