operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
