no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can't special order awesome
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
