super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
