Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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