tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
