please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
