Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize