About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
