'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize