Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
