Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
