hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
