Soap is not a condiment
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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