Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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