Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
