then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize