Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
