kristin has been a bad kristin
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
