I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
