overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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