the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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