I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
