Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
