the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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