I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
