When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
