i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
