Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
