why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
