Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
a search helicopter?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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