just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Soap is not a condiment
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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