Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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