tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just pee around me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
