you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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