So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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