mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize