When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
