If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
