I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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