I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
