You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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