I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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