Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
