She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize