I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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