when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize