Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
