I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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