If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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