what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
