You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
