im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
