he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
