She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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