my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
