pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
