He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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