Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
