College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's never too late to be topless.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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