I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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