does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
