doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
