I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
