We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
