I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
