So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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