operation harelip BJ is a go
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize