I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
