Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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