The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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