What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
