My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
